this site update o_o (and a life update idk)

oh this is going to take some getting used to

feels like dA has been slowly turning itself into a tumblr-like interface and this update confirms the unholy union of two soul-sucking sites

my problem is mostly with the front page (and how it's preloaded to "watch feed"), you have to manually load separate pages just to see trending deviations and daily deviations, i don't like that, it was nice having everything on the front page as a basic summary of what's going on in the community.

i also don't think i'm too fond of the activity feed showing things you add to favorites collections for everyone to see. like, what if i add some nsfw stuff into a shameful collection called "SINFUL SWINGING BREAST MEATS" ?? not that i would do that or anything

most of my griping comes from how i have a hard time coping with sudden unexpected change, i guess i just need to tinker around with the site a bit and adjust

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now for some largely unrelated life updates? i'm getting therapy and stuff, my mental health has improved a lot since january because i think i finally have a comfortable understanding of what's been going on with me. i've respectfully avoided leaping into self-Dx so as not to be appropriating (thus why i've been very quiet for 9-10 months now about my suspicions regarding what i think i have), and i will maintain that until i am actually diagnosed, but i think i can say that i'm 99% confident at this point that i'll be diagnosed as being on the ASD spectrum, and the therapists i've seen seem to agree. now i'm just going through the arduous process of applying for services to to find a psychologist or neuropsychologist who can diagnose me :u

it is very frustrating that i had noticed i had sensory issues, repetitive actions/movements (rocking back and forth, hand flapping), severe social problems, and difficulties managing self-care going back to when i was 5 years old. but i never got any help. instead my problems were attributed to just shyness and laziness. and i was made to believe it myself for my whole life. i thought there couldn't be anything about me that was just wired differently, no, i simply wasn't trying hard enough because that's what everyone told me.

i feel that i should have been diagnosed almost 20 years ago, maybe my life would be easier than it is now. i'd be better equipped to deal with sensory issues and the demands of day-to-day life. but i never got that chance, and i'm finding it so hard to cope with things.

there is already enough stigma associated with mental health, but on top of that there is also a damaging gender bias. diagnostic criteria for ASDs is based on stereotyped traits in males on the spectrum. it is presented differently in girls (& dfab +), girls tend to mask symptoms better and are more socially driven, and so we slip through the cracks. most of us are misdiagnosed with other mental health conditions and personality disorders, and we end up trying to treat problems we do not actually have. this is like trying to mend a broken bone using cold medicine. 

idk. i think if/when i get the official diagnosis i'd like to be vocal about it, because there are so many stereotypes and misconceptions surrounding autism, and i'd like to challenge that and spread some awareness.

i'm rambling now and i forgot what else i should add back to drawing mutated mpreg vegeta